I was always the “skinny girl”. In fact I was made fun of almost my entire adolescent life for being too skinny. I was tall for my age, had really bad buck teeth and frizzy hair from a bad perm.
And my brothers had two nicknames for me…..
Buck Tooth Mama and drum roll please
I know it sounds mean but I know that these were just terms of endearment coming from my 3 brothers. After all that’s what siblings do, right? Now Buck Tooth Mama was fine, until I developed my first crush on a boy named….” Buck.”
I know I couldn’t make this up if I tried. The endless chants of “Bucky loves Bucky” have been forever tattooed in my psyche.
Oh and Freddy.. Freddy Mercury… you know the lead singer of the group Queen?
I can’t say they were wrong. The resemblance was striking!
But those were innocent mockeries from my brothers… they loved me… and protected me… they still do.
However, others at school had lots of names for me… and girls at school were often… how should I put this… displeased at my inability to gain weight. You know they, didn’t really tease me but they would almost shun me for not having to worry about weight gain. (read about bullying here)
And through all the teasing I never did have any body image issues or self esteem issues.
But I did have a secret…
A secret that would catch up to me and change my life forever as an adult.
What no one knew about me as a kid was that I had a food addiction. There I said it…
Yes, I was skinny
But I wasn’t healthy…. I was a food addict and still am. Read all about how my food addiction almost killed me on My Life and Kids.
Just imagine someone with bulimia who would binge on food … well that was me except I didn’t throw up. If there was ever junk food in the house I could not rest until I binged on it. And left nothing for anyone else.
I stole, hoarded, and hid my drug. I would secretly binge on foods especially when I was stressed or upset.
Now when I say binge I’m not talking about eating 10 cookies, I’m not talking about eating 20. I’m talking about eating the entire box.
I didn’t eat anything that was of decent nutrition. And WATER… Ha. I laughed at that word.
How did I survive for the last 15 years… well that’ s just it.. I was surviving but not living.
After a reckless adolescence and adulthood.. it all caught up to me. Remember when I announced that I was fat and my plans to get healthy.
As you can see from the picture above… I look happy… I look healthy… I have a body that many would envy… but I was sick.
Almost everyday of my life I was sick. I suffered from debilitating anxiety, depression and chronic migraines. In fact I felt so bad so often I probably spent 75% of my day in bed.
My addiction was crippling me and I didn’t even know it.
You see I would wake up, drink soda, ok drink several sodas,just to get myself going.
It was an endless cycle of feeling horrible and trying to medicate myself in order to feel better. But it didn’t dawn on me until I finally went to the doctor and he said…. these words…
If you don’t lose weight now you will be diabetic.
WOAH! Pump the breaks mister! That is not cool. It was time for a change…
I had to take better care of myself.. not just for me but for my kids. I was letting my addiction to food compromise my relationships and my health.
So I tried some things… I tried.. No carb dieting. I lost 5 lbs. And I had no will power! I just over ate no carb food.
Ugh… that was disappointing.
It was not until I met my friend Heather and heard her weight loss story that a lightbulb went off.
Now, I want to make myself very clear. I don’t want this to be like back in high school when others said “oh you don’t need to worry about your weight.” I realize there are many people out there struggling with much more than I am. There are others like Heather that needed to lose over half their body weight. And I know that’s not me. But as you can see a lot of my fat is in my stomach and that right there sets me up for so many issues.
Besides the damage the food was doing to my heart and other organs, years of soda drinking affected my oral health. In fact I have had a tooth removed because of it. Now that was a new low for me. I couldn’t believe that I would do that to myself.
I’m hoping that all of this information will help you understand that my goal is not about body image, it’s not about weight loss but instead it’s about concurring my addiction and having a healthy life.
A life where I can get out of bed in the morning and have energy. A life where I’m not petrified to walk in to a store. A life where I can enjoy the moments with my children without my head splitting open.
Where am I at now?
I am now working with Heather as my health coach. Through this process I have learned many things.
- I am an addict and like other addicts I need to surround myself with positive people that will support my choice to say, “no.”
- I have learned to say” NO” to myself way more than I say “yes.” I still have my moments. Food is everywhere, did you realize that?
- I am getting to the point where food no longer controls me
- I have lost 25 lbs
- I have gained self control, health and a new found appreciation for my own life.
I am a food addict and I will struggle with this every day for the rest of my life. It’s like any other addiction in many ways. It can kill you, it makes you sick and it runs your life. But with help and support from you guys and from Heather and my other friends and family. I am concurring this mountain and I will succeed.
I know you want to know all about this plan that both my husband and I have been on. Well I’ll tell you the number one key is having Heather. After working with Heather for a few months not only did I lose weight but I feel amazing, I have 1 migraine a month as opposed to 20 and my anxiety is gone. That’s right GONE. I no longer rely on Lexapro or any other medications. I don’t need them!
It’s amazing what taking the wrong foods out of you life can do for your health. And all this is coming from the most non-motivated/ non-believer in the world.
If you would like more information on the program I am on please email Heather at firstname.lastname@example.org .
Do you struggle with food addiction? Tell us your story…