I was always the “skinny girl”. In fact I was made fun of almost my entire adolescent life for being too skinny. I was tall for my age, had really bad buck teeth and frizzy hair from a bad perm.
And my brothers had two nicknames for me…..
Buck Tooth Mama and drum roll please
Freddy Mercury!!!
I know it sounds mean but I know that these were just terms of endearment coming from my 3 brothers. After all that’s what siblings do, right? Now Buck Tooth Mama was fine, until I developed my first crush on a boy named….” Buck.”
I know I couldn’t make this up if I tried. The endless chants of “Bucky loves Bucky” have been forever tattooed in my psyche.
Oh and Freddy.. Freddy Mercury… you know the lead singer of the group Queen?
I can’t say they were wrong. The resemblance was striking!
But those were innocent mockeries from my brothers… they loved me… and protected me… they still do.
However, others at school had lots of names for me… and girls at school were often… how should I put this… displeased at my inability to gain weight. You know they, didn’t really tease me but they would almost shun me for not having to worry about weight gain. (read about bullying here)
And through all the teasing I never did have any body image issues or self esteem issues.
But I did have a secret…
A secret that would catch up to me and change my life forever as an adult.
What no one knew about me as a kid was that I had a food addiction. There I said it…
Yes, I was skinny
But I wasn’t healthy…. I was a food addict and still am. Read all about how my food addiction almost killed me on My Life and Kids.
Just imagine someone with bulimia who would binge on food … well that was me except I didn’t throw up. If there was ever junk food in the house I could not rest until I binged on it. And left nothing for anyone else.
I stole, hoarded, and hid my drug. I would secretly binge on foods especially when I was stressed or upset.
Now when I say binge I’m not talking about eating 10 cookies, I’m not talking about eating 20. I’m talking about eating the entire box.
I didn’t eat anything that was of decent nutrition. And WATER… Ha. I laughed at that word.
How did I survive for the last 15 years… well that’ s just it.. I was surviving but not living.
After a reckless adolescence and adulthood.. it all caught up to me. Remember when I announced that I was fat and my plans to get healthy.
As you can see from the picture above… I look happy… I look healthy… I have a body that many would envy… but I was sick.
Almost everyday of my life I was sick. I suffered from debilitating anxiety, depression and chronic migraines. In fact I felt so bad so often I probably spent 75% of my day in bed.
My addiction was crippling me and I didn’t even know it.
You see I would wake up, drink soda, ok drink several sodas,just to get myself going.
Then I would have anxiety attacks so frequently that I would medicate myself with Lexapro. I even had anxiety because I had anxiety. How crazy is that?
It was an endless cycle of feeling horrible and trying to medicate myself in order to feel better. But it didn’t dawn on me until I finally went to the doctor and he said…. these words…
If you don’t lose weight now you will be diabetic.
WOAH! Pump the breaks mister! That is not cool. It was time for a change…
I had to take better care of myself.. not just for me but for my kids. I was letting my addiction to food compromise my relationships and my health.
So I tried some things… I tried.. No carb dieting. I lost 5 lbs. And I had no will power! I just over ate no carb food.
Ugh… that was disappointing.
It was not until I met my friend Heather and heard her weight loss story that a lightbulb went off.
Now, I want to make myself very clear. I don’t want this to be like back in high school when others said “oh you don’t need to worry about your weight.” I realize there are many people out there struggling with much more than I am. There are others like Heather that needed to lose over half their body weight. And I know that’s not me. But as you can see a lot of my fat is in my stomach and that right there sets me up for so many issues.
Besides the damage the food was doing to my heart and other organs, years of soda drinking affected my oral health. In fact I have had a tooth removed because of it. Now that was a new low for me. I couldn’t believe that I would do that to myself.
I’m hoping that all of this information will help you understand that my goal is not about body image, it’s not about weight loss but instead it’s about concurring my addiction and having a healthy life.
A life where I can get out of bed in the morning and have energy. A life where I’m not petrified to walk in to a store. A life where I can enjoy the moments with my children without my head splitting open.
Where am I at now?
I am now working with Heather as my health coach. Through this process I have learned many things.
- I am an addict and like other addicts I need to surround myself with positive people that will support my choice to say, “no.”
- I have learned to say” NO” to myself way more than I say “yes.” I still have my moments. Food is everywhere, did you realize that?
- I am getting to the point where food no longer controls me
- I have lost 25 lbs
- I have gained self control, health and a new found appreciation for my own life.
I am a food addict and I will struggle with this every day for the rest of my life. It’s like any other addiction in many ways. It can kill you, it makes you sick and it runs your life. But with help and support from you guys and from Heather and my other friends and family. I am concurring this mountain and I will succeed.
I know you want to know all about this plan that both my husband and I have been on. Well I’ll tell you the number one key is having Heather. After working with Heather for a few months not only did I lose weight but I feel amazing, I have 1 migraine a month as opposed to 20 and my anxiety is gone. That’s right GONE. I no longer rely on Lexapro or any other medications. I don’t need them!
It’s amazing what taking the wrong foods out of you life can do for your health. And all this is coming from the most non-motivated/ non-believer in the world.
If you would like more information on the program I am on please email Heather at thepattersonfour@gmail.com .
Do you struggle with food addiction? Tell us your story…
Lesley, I had about the same story growing up-horrible teeth, frizzy hair and couldn’t gain a pound if I tried. They called me “crack baby” because I was so skinny. I used to eat an entire box of cookies or bag of chips every.single.day after school. I ate large pizzas by myself in one sitting. My turning point came in my mid 20s when my metabolism changed and I started gaining weight like a champ. I met my husband and while we were engaged he was deployed to Afghanistan and I got braces started working out and relearned how to eat properly. I still have a struggle with knowing when to stop eating-but my self control is immensely better than it was. Very cool of you to share your story, glad to know I wasn’t the only one!
I’m so glad that you can relate Melissa. It’s crazy that even if you are skinny you can also be extremely unhealthy and a food addict. But it’s true and it’s real. The even crazier part is when it all hits you and you realize that changes as simple as your eating habits and self control will actually change your health and you life. THanks for sharing your story as well!
Good for you, Leslie! Heather’s transformation has been amazing to watch, and she has inspired me to find healthier paths as well. My husband suffered from debilitating migraines for years, and since we have been doing the Whole30 plan his migraines have completely disappeared from at least 2 per week down to none. We decided to test it out and allowed ourselves a “regular” meal last weekend, and by Sunday his migraines were creeping back on him. He was able to control them with meds and essential oils, but it was enough of a wake up call to realize that the Whole30 is going to have to become a Wholelife plan for us. I am so thankful to have my husband back, and I refuse to let food take him away from me again. Or vice versa! Watching him play with our son and enjoy life again is such a blessing. We have both lost 37 lbs since our highest weights, and are feeling better than ever. I am a firm believer that our food is the culprit for 99.9% of all the health problems today. You’ve just inspired me to write that Whole30 wrap up post I’ve been meaning to write. 🙂
Oh I’d love to read it Beth. And I agree with you the food we consume has so much to do with our overall health. I am so glad you and your husband have found something that works. Migraines can take over your life. So happy for him!
Well kudos to you, Melissa and Beth!!! This post (& replies) is truly keeping it real. I think all 3 of you are beautiful – inside & out. Thank you for sharing something so very personal!
Thanks so much Lynn. It’s kind of crazy so many of us blog about all sorts of things to make our families lives better and are home beautiful. I’ve noticed a lot of us finally making the move to focus a little on ourselves and our own health. I think we are finding that being healthy only helps us in all the other things we are trying to do. And Ps I think you are beautiful inside and out!
so glad you shared, and congrats on your healthy weight loss :). After my last doctor’s appointment, it was veryyyy strongly suggested to me that I lose about 20 pounds and start eating right before things became a problem. It’s been hard to change a lifestyle, but I’m getting there. I just had to involve myself more in the process, you know? Like- go to the farm and buy food instead of picking a box of mac and cheese off the grocery shelf, and grow what I can so I can take pride in the process. I appreciate your openness about your personal process.
Stephanie, You are right it is so much of a mental thing and changing the whole way you make choices with food. I’m so glad that you are starting that journey. You will feel so much better in the end.
Amazing post, Lesley! I was the same as you and Melissa growing up. Just ate whatever I wanted all the time and never gained weight. It’s awful as you carry those bad habits into adulthood. I’ve had to try real hard to change my habits over the years and it’s SO HARD. Thanks so much for sharing and putting yourself out there. You’re helping so many people!
Big hugs,
Jamie
Your so welcome and thanks for telling your story too. It’s so hard to change those bad habits. I don’t think many people realize that you can be skinny and still be completely controlled by food/overeating. And that it makes you very sick.
Thanks for sharing your story as well
Leslie- good for you and getting healthy. I look forward to hearing about your journey to a healthier you. The weight loss is really just the bonus. Best of luck!
Thanks so much Laura, I agree the weight loss is a huge bonus but feeling great is my goal.
Thanks for sharing your story, to which I relate. I’m maintaining a 155-pound loss for 23 years, after having lost 350 pounds prior to that without ever keeping it off. Coming to understand food addiction, and understanding that I had it, was probably *the* key to getting off the yo-yo — and as you say, the weight loss was great but feeling better/safer/happier bested even that happy outcome.
I totally agree. ANd it’s a daily struggle like with any addiction. Congratulations for your weight loss and thanks for sharing your journey.
Very Inspiring! It is difficult to say no when the temptation is everywhere. I fit on the other side of the spectrum — I can gain wait looking at food. I exercise — try to eat “right” but it is a battle one that is never over. I don’t usually eat sweets, sodas, or what is considered fattening — I do like my evening wine. Yes those are empty calories and if I want to commit to losing those extra pounds that has to go. Knowing and doing are two different things.
My husband has the same vice Marisa and as soon as he buckles down and cuts the wine out he loses that extra weight. It’s so challenging though!